CAN YOU REALLY GET PASS AN AFFAIR?

Lies and deception are bad, but when an affair takes place in a marriage or committed relationship, it is almost always a devastating experience for everyone. The first thing to realize is, no matter how much pain, guilt, confusion, or anger you may be feeling right now, you are not alone: Millions of marriages and relationships are touched by infidelity. What you are feeling is probably very normal.

Here are some feelings people often have when they find out their partner had an affair:

*You wonder if you did anything to cause this.

*You doubt your self-worth and attractiveness.

*You seem to have no control over your thoughts, feelings or actions.

*You wonder what you mean to your partner.

*You no longer feel special

*You don't want to see your partner ever again, or you feel like anxiously clinging to him or her.

*You feel alone, because you can't decide who you can tell about this. You want friends and family to
  hate your partner. you are embarrassed.

*You wonder if he or she really loved you.

*You have trouble eating, sleeping, working or all you do is eat, work, or sleep. So you don't have to
  think about what happened.

*You don't want to see your partner ever again, or you feel like anxiously clinging to him or her.

*You may have the urge to go out and have an affair yourself.


Now what?

The hardest part is getting throughout the day. Who do we tell about this? What exactly happened between you and that person? And do I really want to know? There are things that are important to talk about and there are things that makes it worse.You may have the urge to push for learning the minute, x-rated details of the sexual encounters, or want to ask self-destructive questions. 

It's best to surround yourself with people who love you, and who will help you get through this difficult time. Many couples find that the support of family and friends is good, while others find that therapy is what they need at this point of their relationship. 

Some tend to make the rash decision of breaking up, while others would love to avoid the conflict all together and "move on" without ever really dealing with the underlying issues. But if you can make the honorable effort of working through the hard questions of what happened and why, your relationship can come out stronger than it ever was.

Don't be afraid of what anyone might think, because this situation is not your fault. 



If you are the one who cheated, you are likely also going through a variety and confusing feelings:

*Whether you decided to tell your partner or they found out accidentally, you are likely to feel a certain
  amount of relief as well as exhaustion, especially if you put a lot of energy into keeping the secret.

*while a part of you may feel better now that things are in the open, another part of you may feel
  terribly guilty.

*You wonder if you should lie to your partner to protect them from the full extent of the truth.

*You feel nervous or terrified about the future, anger at yourself or at no one in particular.. There is
  often an overwhelming feeling of shame of disgust.

*You may experience an overwhelming feeling of isolation, as few people will express empathy for
  your situation.